Home Course by Rex Sikes

Author:Rex Sikes
Format: mobi, epub
Tags: NLP
Published: 2010-11-29T08:00:00+00:00

Matching Vocal Qualities and Paralinguistic Cues The Expert Communicator listens for the tone, tempo, volume, rate of speech and pauses of the person with whom he is interacting, and as accurately as possible, matches back these elements in subtle ways. For example, if someone speaks slowly, the Expert Communicator slows down the rate of his speech, if the person talks loudly, then the expert adjusts his volume to match that volume. Match tone, tempo, volume, intensity, pitch etc. Note and match in your own language the repeated phrases or stylized grammatical use of the other person, Matching Non-Verbal Body Language The Expert Communicator matches the other person’s body posture, facial expressions, gestures, and breathing rate. Again, as the Expert Communicator adjusts the features of his communication style to match the person with whom he is relating, an unconscious message is sent to the other person. That person receives the message "this person is like me." Communication research has heavily bore out that we tend to like people who are like ourselves.

Mirroring is to match back the person’s behavior as a mirror image. So that as the person looks at the Expert Communicator, the person sees is a mirror image of himself.

Adjust your body to approximate the other person’s posture. Pace any consistent or stylistic use of the body - eye blinks, head nod etc. Match the upper or lower portion of the other person’s body. Note the way the other person uses their face - raise their eyebrows, wrinkle their nose, etc. Match characteristic poses the other person offers with their head and shoulders. With minute and graceful movements and timing, match the gesture patterns of the other person. Adjust your own breathing to synchronize with the other person’s breath rate and location.

Matching Chunk Size

If a person likes the "big picture", the Expert Communicator presents the "big picture". If the person prefers the details, then this is how the Expert Communicator alters his/her communication. You will notice that chunk size preference is generally sequential, or that which the person wants to hear first. Some start off with big picture and move toward filling in the details, while others prefer it reversed.

Example:

Wife: "It is important to talk about what is really important about our relationship before we attempt to solve these little problems."

Husband: "I think that our friendship is what is most important here, and these little problems come up when we forget about the larger issue."

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